Hotel Hjerting - Esbjerg, Denmark 

There aren't many hotels in Esbjerg [although it is the fifth largest town in the country], so twice I've found myself staying at the Hjerting in the last year or so. Despite the galaxy of stars it claims [4 stars], the rooms are small and shoddily furnished -- cheap nylon shower curtains that wrap themselves round you clammily and so on. What all travellers should know, however, is that the kitchen shuts at 9.30 on the dot -- and if you should want food at 9.31 you can sod off. Once we arrived at the hotel at around 9pm, having travelled all day. We weren't told of the restaurant work-to-rule. When we got down to the bar at 9.35, we were told the kitchen had closed five minutes ago and were directed to the hot-dog stand in the middle of town if we wanted to eat. We'd have been happy with a sandwich or a microwaved bowl of soup, but no. Nothing. Dinner was a bag of crisps. The next time -- 2007 -- I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to this hotel -- we were having dinner in the restaurant itself. The food was good, though the service paralysingly slow. We finished our main courses and asked for the dessert menu -- only to be told that the kitchen was closed. In the middle of service, the chef had shut up shop and gone -- presumably having laid landmines so that no one else could produce the piece of cheesecake on the menu. What is the matter with these people? Do they have any idea of what a hotel is supposed to do? Take my advice, save yourself their stonking charges and go elsewhere.

The hotel is a few kilometers away from downtown Esbjerg, at the beach front, separated only by a (at the time of our visit) not very busy road. The hotel rooms are superb, with plain sight of the Sea (a bight, actually). The gourmet restaurant is excellent, but very expensive. Their service is very professional.